Issue 9

22nd December 1997 to 11th January 1998

FEATURE

Beef crisis.

The British meat industry is in crisis. The cows have been eating other cows, and they didn't like it. We take an in-depth look at the situation.

In an attempt to gain favour with the British government, which banned all beef off the bone, a group of cattle farmers have clubbed together and are now sponsoring several Formula One events.

Meanwhile, the stand-off at various British ports continues. Farmers are stopping trucks full of foreign beef and turning it away, often throwing the contents into the Irish sea.

This policy has perplexed many people. A fisherman told us;

"I threw my nets oer the side and waited, just like we do every day, and when we pulled the nets in, all we got were T-bone steaks."

Enterprising dieticians are training as divers and moving to coastal Wales.

"There's a lot of food down there. Them mermaids will be over-eating."

We think they are being rather silly.

Back in government land, the Meat and Livestock Commision have invited all beef farmers to appear before them to ask forgiveness for their crimes.

One farmer said off the record:

"Although I don't agree that what I did was wrong, you can't turn down the opportunity to increase your herd value by 10%, can you?"