BRUNO TO BE TOP TRAINER!

It was revealed this week that boxing favourite, Frank Bruno, was all set to become a promoter and trainer. The British Board of Boxing Control seems all set to give Bruno a license after he made a surprise application.

We spoke to Frank and he made this comment.

"Ever since I was a lad, my feet meant that I was always big in trainers, so, I thought it was about time I did something with this amazing freak occurance and now I've been given a chance."

He then went onto his plans about being used by NIKE or some other footware manufacturer, and he expressed a preferance for the right foot.

"I've got great plans about being used by NIKE, or some other footware manufacturer. Of course, Harry, I really want to be a right foot - I know no-one who likes being left."

I DIDN'T DO IT, REF!

Spain's top referees have gone on strike. In an effort to complain about insults hurled at them by players and clubs about the way they've handled games.

During the referee-less periods, linesmen (assistant referees) will be allowed to wander onto the pitch and make outrageous decisions. Of course, this is all a big conspiracy set up by those flag wavers, who want the ref's out of the way so they get a chance to shine, and yes! This is the first stage of their world domination plans.

Today the pitch, tomorrow the world.

Evans given the boot

Roy Evans' reign as Liverpool boss has come to an end. On Thursday he was told at a secret meeting that he was being given the boot upstairs. After realising that this didn't mean they were giving him a Frank Bruno trainer, he was a little shocked.

"I am a little shocked. However, I'm just glad they gave me the boot upstairs, and not downstairs - if it was downstairs, it could have scuppered my chances of ever having children again. Of course, this means I get to spend more time with Pat, and gives me a chance to fix my ailing car buisiness after my son, Barry, fell for a con-woman."