HT:The Spice of Life

Hey Hey! What do you say? Its time to Spice up your life once again, with me, Hamster Spice, jamming along with the hottest Spicy vibes. Not that Jam and the Spice girls go together - well, except in the dirty minds of sexually overimaginative young boys called "James"... To the collective James I say "No! Spice and Jam is not as nice as Jam and Spice, when Spice is right, you'll come on down - don't wear a frown, cause that's just the way it is."

The bubble bursts

Experts say that the spice girls will be past their expiry date by the end of the year. Our resident expert had this to say

"Well, I see it like this. My glasses are really strong and things seem closer than they really are, especially things which aren't really quite as close as they first seem"

Of course, he is quite mad. Our other resident expert made a little more sense

"Well, everyone knows that Emma has 'best before Dec 22nd 1998' stamped on her cute little behind, and the other Spice Girls have similar things on theirs. Geri has 'this way up', Mel C has 'Lala', Mel B has 'handle with care' and vicki has a handprint."

HT:Spice of Life advertises for new resident expert!

Due to the incarceration of our previous HT:SOL resident experts, an opening has occured for someone to fill. That is, not someone called 'Phil', but someone to fill. A subtle difference I'm sure you'll agree. The successful candidate must be mad. Of course, training will be given if they've no previous experiance at this.

Two become....One...Two

In an exclusive interview with Scary Spice (well, she had a Bicardi Spice T-shirt on and was wearing a ghoulish mask) we look at the original, unpublished lyrics to "2 become 1"...

"Originally the song was a lot different, it was more to do with an accident Emma had had a few years back."

In our last Spice Girl interview, we had some text here which was absolutely not needed, and the editor has told me not to do it again, so, I'm not going to.

"Her mother collects lots of china objects de art - as they say - and Emma, while reaching for her father's copy of 'John Thomas and Lady Jane' slipped and broke her mom's favourite swan. Of course, being at that age, she knew that she must fix it before her mom got home from the Disco."

And now, here are some of the original lyrics...

"I need some glue, though I've never used glue before
can you get some glue for me baby?
I know you had some glue, when you fixed the floor
Have you got some glue for me baby?
Hope the pieces fit
And the join is hard to see
'cause tonight, is the night
we fix my mom's swan..."

Well... what, really can you say to that. I, for one, will never look at Emma in the same light again (I think a shril green one with occasional purple flashed might be better)

More of the Same

>From our brand new, not locked up in anyway resident expert, we have the real meaning of the (final) two become one Lyrics. Cool.

The central meaning of the song is the title, specifically the line which includes the title;

Tonight is the night when two become one.

What could this mean, except that at some point during the night, where there were two people, only one will remain. It's clear that death will occur in the context of the lyrics.

Candle light and soul forever, a dream of you and me together. Say you believe it, say you believe it.

>From the begining, we are informed that the context of this is a dream, yet are immediately asked to acknowledge that it is real. The following line explains how this is to be done.

Free your mind of doubt and danger, be for real, don't be a stranger. We can achieve it, we can achieve it

"Be for real". No means of transport recommended, just appear. This could be a reference to Star Trek-esque matter transportation, which is physically impossible.
This would not worry our subject howevere, as he has "freed his mind of doubt of danger".

We then go into the chorus, which is discussed later. Onto the next verse...

Silly games that you were playing, empty words we both were saying. Let's work it out boy, let's work it out boy

Since it's a physical impossibility, we now see the consequences. The words were empty. However the singer in this context firmly places the blame on the subject, who attempted such as disasterous action. Despite being asked to materialise, even after freeing his mind of danger, the failure is dismissed as a silly game.
The subject would be justified at being angry, but wouldn't since any doubt has been freed from his mind.

Be a little wiser baby, put it on, put it on.

To quote occasional contributor Stephen Sangar uttered, "That's open to interpretation, but I would also say that it's a gratuitous reference to using condoms."

Onto the chorus. This frequently refers to quantifications. Each lyric can be expressed mathematically.

I need some love, like I never had a love before, (wanna make love to ya baby,)

The singer requires some love equal to the requirement of love as if she never had love before. This could imply that she really has never had love, but this theory is contradicted in the next line.

I had a little love, now I'm back for more, (wanna make love to ya baby, )

This would imply that the requirement of love does not change, no matter how recently the last supplication of love occured.

Set your spirit free, it's the only way to be, it's the only way to be.

Again, we come back to the central theme of death. In many religions, "setting free the spirit" occurs during death or cremation.

So there we have it, the Spice Girls advocate reckless use of transportation mechansisms and then saying the inevitable result of death is a good thing. It doesn't matter though, since you requirement of love doesn't change.

On the other hand, it could be to do with having sex.

Spice Girls Claim their Free Nelson Mandela

The other day, the Spice Girls claimed a free Nelson Mandela. They had cut out 4 tokens on the back of a packet of cornflakes and were quite pleased with what they got. However, Geri asked the free one to grope her... Which I'm sure is a missquote because I'm sure, were there grabbing to be done, Geri would be the groper, and not the gropie. Of course, maybe she wears both pairs of trousers and enjoys to recieve, as well as give. Who, after all, can say.