Do, Do, Ron Ron, Do Do Ron Ron

Ron Atkinson is back at Sheffield Wednesday as manager. However, on Thursday he'll be in New Mexico, Friday will be spent supping tea at the palace, and the weekend will be A great free for all in Turkey.

We spoke to a Turkey in the week, and he had this to say

"Well, you're expecting me to simply go 'gobble gobble gobble' aren't you? Well, I'm not your average turkey. Okay, I'm alergic to Paxo - but who isn't?"

Did Did, Ron Ron...etc

It is said, that the first thing that big Ron will do, is spend, spend, spend. Well. We had a looksee at his plans and found out the following.

1. His first buy will (probably) be his old Sky blue favourite, Dublin.

   Of course, Ron is well known for buying cities to play in whichever team he chooses to manage. While at Aston villa he brought in London and Dover - which, unfortunately, were quite hopeless in defense. However his signing of Brighton was a surprise constant goal scorer these past few seasons.

2. His second buy is rumoured to be Darren Huckerby - and we'll be the first to admit, that the buying of a puppet pig comes as a little bit of a shock - but, like with cities, this isn't the first time he's done such a thing. Why, when he was managing Atletico Madrid his two main strikers were Pinky and Perky - but of course, they are getting on a bit now and are long past retirement.

Does Does, Ron Ron...?

Ho Ho. Fooled you. Not another Ron Atkinson story. Had you going for a minute there. In fact, this is something to do with motor racing. Brum, Brum! and all that!

The big motor racing story of the past few weeks has been the Michael Schumacher VS the FIA trial thing (well, there's also that one about smoking, but we'll ignore that for the moment - mostly irrelevant really anyway). So, what happened? What did you expect to happen? Yep, he got off scott free (well, more or less). He had his points for the season taken off him. BF Deal. That season is over, and it's not like he won anyway. Still, as they say, "can't upset the Germans!"

Smokin' Joe!

The government saw sense and took back their ban on tobacco advertising in motor racing. (I know, we lied about ignoring it) Why do we say saw sense? Well, while the advertising was fully permissable in most countries, and where-ever the races were being held, film of the race was transmitted in England, it meant that our banning was a hollow and worthless effort. The government are now pushing for a worldwide ban, if possible. Of course, getting into politics (which, is quite easy, just go around in a car saying "Vote for me - I'm better than the rest!"), if the government has a turnaround like this once - won't it happen again? We spoke to someone who would know, and he had this to say:

"Hey! I don't want any of my comments appearing on the back page of some scruffy, dog earred old tabloid. Pah! I want a front page, with scandalous photos of me, a beautiful blonde girl, and a rubber hose..."